There are bad days in laundry. Then there are days when you might discover someone’s midnight snack masquerading as modern art.
It began with a suspicious lump in the sheet. Upon peeling back the layers, Mr. Smudg, our grumpy laundry goblin, peeled back the layers and uncovered tortilla shards, crunchier than a 2AM stale bag of chips, black beans smeared into the sheets, green globs of guacamole that refused to be contained, and sour cream gleaming streaks like white wall paint.
And then he saw it. The unrolled, half-eaten burrito, its contents spilling out of the burrito like a crime scene. Cue Mr. Smudg’s internal monologue:
“Really? You couldn’t find a plate?”
“Was the nightstand occupied by tequila shots?”
“Also, who thought bedding made a good burrito holder?”
As he scrubbed and scrubbed, Mr. Smudg waged a one-mascot war against this culinary catastrophe. Beans popped under his gloves, tortilla shards crunched in the wash, and guac splattered like a rogue Jackson Pollock painting. He contemplated switching careers–maybe as a salsa sommelier– but deep down knew nobody else would embrace this level of burrito trauma.
This week’s key takeaways? Don’t eat burritos in bed, trust me. Use a plate or, at the very least, a napkin. Tip the ones cleaning up your late-night fiestas.
And remember, behind every “fresh sheet” guarantee is a team (and one perpetually exasperated mascot) scrubbing out your snack time sins. So, the next time you hit “room service, ” finish your dinner on your plate, not your sheets.
Until next time,
Mr. Smudg
Still waging war on your Tex-Mex tragedies one burrito at a time.